My Most Unpopular Take
The Gnomunist Manifesto
Look, one thing I’ve got is TTRPG opinions. Opinions on lethality, map design, player agency, world building methods, the proper time to roll the dice, the list goes on. For my first theory piece on this blog I wanted a real winner. One that really sets the tone. But then I thought, what’s the point in beating around the bush with my more nuanced, palatable takes? Do I attempt to position myself as a voice of reason, of judiciousness, of authority in the OSR community? No, screw that jazz, let’s dive into the deep end headfirst, Setreng style. Platitudes are overrated. Introducing my worst take:
THE GNOMUNIST MANIFESTO
Halflings are directly based on Tolkien’s hobbits. Halflings are hobbits.
The ‘diminutive humanoid’ is a consistent aspect of fantasy, whether they be kithkin, hobbits, kobolds, gnomes, fairies, anthropomorphic animals a la Mausritter and Redwall, munchkins, or Oompa-Loompas.
Tolkien did not invent the concept of the small humanoid, he adapted it with an injection of English eudaemonia to create the hobbit.
The hobbit is a setting-specific small humanoid, specific to Middle Earth. Halflings are a copyright-safe version of the hobbit. Settings that include the halfling are inherently ‘Tolkien-esque’.
Gnomes preceded hobbits. Gnomes exist in folklore across several cultures, in many varieties and capacities.
Your choices are (A) choose the noble gnome or (B) choose the setting-specific, copyright safe approximation of the gnome.
Given these options, the decision is clear: Choose the Gnome. But what then, happens to our beloved hobbits, and our slightly less-beloved halflings? Well, I don’t think we need to get rid of them completely. As we’ve already established, the characteristic that sets apart hobbits from gnomes is their endearing English sensibilities, and being slightly taller. In my mind, this makes them somewhat human, and somewhat gnome. Factor in the copyright-safe moniker and we have our solution.
‘Half’ - ling
‘Half’ what exactly?
>> Half a human, and half a gnome. <<
Yes indeed, welcome to my most unpopular take (quite distinct from my least popular take). In the Gnomestones universe, halflings are half-gnomes, some of whom refer to themselves as hobbits.
Let’s not stop there. In the Gnomestones universe, a halfling can refer to any mixed-species humanoid, whether they be half-gnome, half-goblin, half-triton, or half-elf (the half-elves fucking hate it). This take on mixed-species opens up novel conversations about identity and justice, about other creatures as the existential other, and provides an alternative to the classic TTRPG frustrations of species/race mixing. In the world of Gnomestones, a good proportion of humans are actually indeterminate halflings. I’d like to tell you how fresh this take feels when applied to the table, but I can’t speak for the briskness in my lungs (like a 5 gum commercial). Welcome to the mountaintop, or at least the poop chute at the bottom of the dungeon complex underneath the mountain. Welcome to Gnomestones.
Addendum: For perspective, I will add that Tolkien tangentially included ‘gnomes’ in his writings at least twice, once to describe the origins of the Noldor, wise elves associated with the Greek word ‘gnome’, thought or wisdom. However, he apparently moved away from the term gnome, as it became too confusing. I couldn’t agree more.
If you’re playing a Tolkien game, go with the Hobbit, but if not, the gnomes await you.
God I hate this... More please.